Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Light at the End of the Tunnel
So, there is one more week left in my very first semester of meeting my pre-requisite requirements for acceptance into CSUSM's teaching credential program. As I was telling my husband the other day, I'm very happy. I'm not sure if it is because of the prospect of becoming a teacher or more because I'm not having to go into Pfizer to continue in the masochistic chemistry research. There it seems it was never enough. Will teaching be the same? I don't know and won't know until I teach. But to not have to go to work when it's really not all that financially imperative to survival is just pure heaven. That I am going to classes gives me purpose to my day and the subject matter is pleasantly interesting. So slowly everything is getting checked off my list: CSETs, CBEST, CSUSM College of Education application, College of Education Interview. Now just a few more assignments to turn in and my classes will be done. How tolerable is the process? Have I learned enough about my subjects? Have I survived un-jaded? Don't really know yet but I can't wait for summer vacation! I can't remember the last time I had no responsibilities...well not very many responsibilities. YES!
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Self-Reflection/Self Realization
Never before have I ever done so much self-reflection and self-realization of myself as I have now while taking my pre-requisites to get into the teaching credential program. I always thought a strong work ethic and doing the right thing would bring me in life everything I wanted...
Not so, I've found out. Although I did think I wanted it, I never thought that I could be laid-off. As I remember, sitting in that room, with the HR person next to me, as I watched R's hand shake, I knew what was coming. It seemed like perhaps this must be what death will be like...I'll see it coming and there's nothing I can do to stop it. How did I react? In perfect Michele-form...I cried or more like wailed. At least enough to get the all-powerful M frantically fearful enough to call Security. That moment replays in my mind. I wonder, does it replay in R's? By the way his hand was shaking I would guess, yes.
How did I calm down? There's only 2 ways I know: cry until I can't cry anymore or have me talk to my Rock of Gibraltar--my husband. One sentence and the pain and agony were gone: "But Michele, that's what you wanted." The words of reason, there it was said and it made everything all better.
Yes, we had talked about what would happen if I were to be laid-off. I would get my teaching credential. Our problem of retiring to Hawaii without medical benefits would be resolved. As a chemsitry teacher on a small remote island, I could work for the state of Hawaii, work for medical benefits and work for a pension. One step closer to making my retirement a reality. It's all part of ze plan!
But first, I must become a teacher. After reading "The Thread That runs So True" by Jesse Stuart as part of my Education 350 class, I thought, well, my story may be just as interesting. I still want to save the world, I still want to make a difference, I still want to be important to society. What will be my journey? Will I achieve it? Will the fact that I can make more than 2x the money elsewhere entice me to leave it? Am I more altruistic or materialistic? Let's face it, I wasn't happy my last year at Pfizer but will I be able to be happy teaching? Pfizer politics are nothing compared to politics in Education? Will I become jaded in this profession, too? I know I must make the journey to find out.
P.S. So as not to get myself into any kind of "trouble" personal, professional, legal, or whatever, I need to write a disclaimer that points out that this blog is MY personal opinion and experience and any correlation, parallels, resemblance to another is just a coincidence. Names have been changed to protect the innocent...or guilty. Lighten up world, enjoy my journey!
Not so, I've found out. Although I did think I wanted it, I never thought that I could be laid-off. As I remember, sitting in that room, with the HR person next to me, as I watched R's hand shake, I knew what was coming. It seemed like perhaps this must be what death will be like...I'll see it coming and there's nothing I can do to stop it. How did I react? In perfect Michele-form...I cried or more like wailed. At least enough to get the all-powerful M frantically fearful enough to call Security. That moment replays in my mind. I wonder, does it replay in R's? By the way his hand was shaking I would guess, yes.
How did I calm down? There's only 2 ways I know: cry until I can't cry anymore or have me talk to my Rock of Gibraltar--my husband. One sentence and the pain and agony were gone: "But Michele, that's what you wanted." The words of reason, there it was said and it made everything all better.
Yes, we had talked about what would happen if I were to be laid-off. I would get my teaching credential. Our problem of retiring to Hawaii without medical benefits would be resolved. As a chemsitry teacher on a small remote island, I could work for the state of Hawaii, work for medical benefits and work for a pension. One step closer to making my retirement a reality. It's all part of ze plan!
But first, I must become a teacher. After reading "The Thread That runs So True" by Jesse Stuart as part of my Education 350 class, I thought, well, my story may be just as interesting. I still want to save the world, I still want to make a difference, I still want to be important to society. What will be my journey? Will I achieve it? Will the fact that I can make more than 2x the money elsewhere entice me to leave it? Am I more altruistic or materialistic? Let's face it, I wasn't happy my last year at Pfizer but will I be able to be happy teaching? Pfizer politics are nothing compared to politics in Education? Will I become jaded in this profession, too? I know I must make the journey to find out.
P.S. So as not to get myself into any kind of "trouble" personal, professional, legal, or whatever, I need to write a disclaimer that points out that this blog is MY personal opinion and experience and any correlation, parallels, resemblance to another is just a coincidence. Names have been changed to protect the innocent...or guilty. Lighten up world, enjoy my journey!
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