I Tried It And Frankly, For Me It's Not Worth It...

Over the last 3 years, there were several times that I wanted to quit teaching. The hours of grading and prepping that led to long nights (two overnighters), long weekends and personal time at volunteer events made me feel it's not worth it.  And in the end parents, students and teacher culture made me feel it wasn't enough.  If I was to become a better teacher I had to figure out a way to do more.  Granted I was improving and getting more efficient at grading and since I collaborated I spent less time prepping but in the end it still required more time than I wanted to give.

I was so happy to get this position at the beginning of the year.  I thought I would be substituting with no hope of a job offer by mid-August.  I was so sure I wouldn't have a job that I opted to have surgery right before school started.  So you can imagine my surprise when the principal called me the DAY BEFORE the first day of school to say he had 4 periods to offer me!  I accepted starting 1 day before the 2-week recovery period was over and 3-days after classes had begun. It was a difficult transition with of course the students innocently suffering the most.  Can you imagine starting off the school year being herded to temporary classrooms and teachers trying to get a feel for expectations for the semester?  None of this was the fault of the principal, who was new, the late decision was due to a decreasing enrollment and budget. They made the offer as soon as the district gave the go ahead.

What really did me in were parents, the nasty, demanding ones who felt like they had the right to tell me what to do and felt they could say the most unkind words because they were speaking in the best interest of their child. My dear colleagues have pleaded with me to ignore it and I have tried but the bottom line is I CAN'T.  To this day, I am still plagued by those hurtful words, "Are you an angry person?"  This was said by a parent who had heard through her husband at Back-to-School night that I explained that I wasn't hired back after being fired but that I was a temporary teacher being hired back.  Her opinion was that I shouldn't have gone there and that made me an angry teacher.  Did she realize that an angry person doesn't come back early from recovery to teach her child and cause her sutures to bleed because she over does it?  Crap, really lady?  As my colleagues have explained, even if I told parents this they won't care, so don't say anything just listen to it and move on. They are right, you know, I've tried to explain in the past and somehow it comes back to haunt me.

So, I've told my department and principal I am not going to pursue a position next year. That I'm going to "retire."  Perhaps I'll substitute or maybe go back into the industry.  Or maybe I'll just take some time off to concentrate on my family. This year I'll turn 50 and at 50 I feel I should be able to do whatever the heck I want!  I can't wait for June!