One Semester Down and One More to Go

I must say that there were many times throughout the program that I had questioned why I was doing this?  I could get my comfortable job back making six figures (or almost, you know the economy), hour long lunch breaks, creative thinking, time off for doctor appointments and calming moments.   Why did I want non-stop questions, blank stares, lost souls, multi-tasking and a hectic-ness that only stopped during long school breaks?  Well, the reason is that I connected with the kids.  They have an energy, an innocence and a yearning to learn more that really resonates within me.  Up until that time, I questioned was it worth it.  Those outside of education think that this is a cush job but I've been on both sides of the fence and well, its not all that cushy.  Yes, I found I was less stressed.  I could make some mistakes and it was okay even expected as long as I really cared about the kids.  Because I care, I'll make less and because I care I will improve.  I get that!  It wasn't as stressful but it was way more hectic with multitasking as well as coursework that needed to be completed.  Oh yes, and there were the state tests for teachers.  I'll save my criticism of that system for another day....  Basically, many, many, many, many hoops for me to jump through to say I have the potential of becoming a good teacher.  I've always liked helping--company picnics, company charities, the community, my kids' school.  I've really found a home for that desire in teaching.

So, yesterday was my first day of my second semester.  I'm excited and very scared of all the work that needs to be done.  But I must say that it doesn't scare me as much as my Research Update for the Chemistry Department at Pfizer.  I don't have a Ph. D. but I liken a Research Update to a dissertation.  Except that you had to do it every year AND if the VP didn't like the direction of your research as presented in your talk, you were criticized in front of your peers.  My audience is more forgiving and my performance correlates to the hard work I put in upfront.  I'm sure I'll get through it just fine but then again I am my mother's daughter and love to worry about it all.

To Be or Not To Be A Teacher?....That is the question

But do I have the answer?  My first semester of Student-Teaching is almost over.  I have gone from being scared to death of my Master Teacher and students to finding a trusted mentor and really caring about the kids I teach.  All that they say about the education system is true--it IS that bad.  However, I'm not naiive enough to believe that any profession is perfect.  They all have their issues---all of them!  However, I have not found such an energetic, dynamic environment with so many moving parts and so much at stake.

I don't have an answer and sometimes I think yes and other times I think I can't do it.  It's hard to know if I've made the right decision and so the journey must continue...

Student-Teaching: Reality 101

It's started!  I've begun my first semester of coursework and student-teaching.  I expected the classes to go at lightening speed and, of course, was already behind in my first week.  What I didn't anticipate was how REAL student-teaching would be.  I met students I only read about.  They were dealing with issues of broken families, parent abandonment, death, drugs and probably more I didn't know about yet.  How does a teacher teach the modern atomic theory when there parents a divorcing and they don't know where they are going to live????  Really?  How does a teacher do that? 

One of my students was falling asleep during a test. "You have to wake up, there's no sleeping in class" I nudged the student.  Later I found out he was in heroine rehab.  "WHAT?," I stuttered.  My master teacher said we're just glad he's here because when he's here, he's not doing drugs.  Geez!  How am I supposed to deal with that? 

You know it's not the teaching part that is the hard part it's the trying to teach when LIFE is going on.  My first month of student teaching was hard with tears and staring at the ceiling before bed.  I really am blessed. Of course, I've been successful!  I haven't had the distractions that these kids have.  ....my heart aches for them.

Summer Living

Summer living and the living is easy...maybe a little too easy for my liking.  Here it was my first ever summer where I had no real responsibilities (okay, I had to pass the U.S. Constitution Exam--which I did--and an online Heatlh class).  Granted, back in '95 I stayed home for the summer because I had just given birth to my first child but everyone who has gone through it knows that's not much of a summer vacation.  It felt very surreal.  There were even two trips planned to Hawai'i and New York City.  It was very weird to be "on vacation" and then go "on vacation" and then come back home to still be "on vacation."  I actually looked forward to getting back into school so that I would have more of a purpose to my day...to my life.

During one of my fits of complaining about working while my husband sat at home in the luxury of being laid off, I had told a colleague how I would just love to be a stay-home mom.  "I'm tired of working in Big Pharma and Corporate America," I complained.  I added, "I wish I could be a stay-home mom."  She looked at me with disbelief.  "No, you couldn't, Michele," she countered.  "Yes, yes, I could!" I argued.  How do these friends of mine know me better than me?  Why can't I see this in myself?  I should have known this.  I had already tried it after I had my first-born.  It didn't work then and I should have known it wouldn't work now.  I only wanted to be a stay-home mom because of the "grass-is-greener" syndrome.  It was Big Pharma and Corporate America of which I was sick. 

As I continue my journey to my teaching credential, I'm trusting that my husband and friends will be correct again--that I will be a good teacher and really enjoy it.  That I will love it because of the rewards--all those glittering eyes staring back at me wanting to know more.  Okay, I know, if I have one set of glittering eyes I'll be lucky.  Students aren't going to have the same expectations as I will for them.  They don't realize I am trusting them with my future.  I must teach them well because when I'm old and useless they will be the ones making the decisions about the future of society.  They don't know that yet.  They'll only care about passing my chemistry class.  And you know, that's okay.  They'll get it eventually but then they'll probably be 40-something and sick of Corporate America.

Re-learning the U.S. Constitution

One of the things I've learned as I've gotten older in life is that I have a deeper appreciation for history: U.S. history, Hawaiian history, my ancestory, pharmaceutical history, and more.  In high school, I never found learning about history interesting or intriguing or very easy for that matter.  If there wasn't a mathematical function associated with the subject, I couldn't relate. 

Now as part of the Teaching Credential requirements, I found myself studying for my U.S. Constitution test.  I know that I had to learn this in my distant past but I realized how very little was retained.  I found the Constitution to be pretty much 99.9% new information.  I also found the material to be interesting and relevant.  I found myself reverant and touched by the brilliance and foresight of the writers.  What an amazing document that has enabled me to live in a nice house, vacation with my children, learn a profession that has given me many years of creativity and innovation and made it so that I was protected when I was laid-off!  I realize that as a 16-year-old, with such little life experience, there really isn't a way to understand and appreciate what an incredible document the Consitution truly is.

I am so fascinated that I can even entertain becoming more politcally involved in my community...okay, I'll make a go of teaching first but it is an interesting prospect.  I can see that as a teacher with over 20 years industry experience, I believe that I will have a pretty good idea about educating future scientists and maybe, just maybe, a politician would be interested in what I'd have to say....

I have a Dream...

I have a dream as a Chemistry Teacher. To enable my students to learn about themselves and life as part of learning about chemistry. I have a dream to start them on their digital portfolio to document their contributions to education and society. I have a dream to excite students to learn that chemistry is not about learning about molecules and bonds but about their quest to answering why the universe behaves the way it does. I have a dream to inspire tomorrow's scientist and giving them the desire to curing tomorrow's diseases, discovering new energy sources, and innovating tomorrow's technologies. I have a dream that my students will begin to master today's technologies and understand our world's problems for they will need this knowledge to build tomorrow. I have this dream and wonder if I am naiive... Do other teachers, administrators, state's leaders and our nation's leaders have this same dream?

Gratitude

I thank you for realizing that I am my Grandmother's daughter, melodramatic and over-reactive but true to my emotion

I thank you for realizing how my colleagues truly care and share my pain and want to help

I thank you for the opportunity to grow and learn and hone my craft; with working with the best and playing with the finest toys our industry can offer

I thank you for the experience of how to deal with bad policies with no human "resourceful" touch; then after getting through the system, knowing I can not change it...for I realize, I can apply this to my future career

I thank you for giving me back my motherhood which I've neglected for many years; I can BE with my kids and realize how WONDERFUL it feels to wait in parking lots to pick them up

I thank you for showing a leader with true unfeeling, cowardly reactions and another that is feeling, kind and strong of character who pushed beyond his fears...thankfully the world is made of all kinds to make us appreciative and stronger

I thank you for the financial support to pursue another venue that hopefully will satisfy my internal need to "save the world"

I thank you for the chance to make a difference and the courage to take that chance in something new and perhaps where I am more needed

I thank you for showing me how strong my bond is with my husband; lucky that I have someone who can make me feel contentment when everything else is falling apart

I thank you for giving me colleagues who inspire me and believe in me; they are my true friends for they see in me that which sometimes I can't always see myself

I thank you for this work-in-progress because I'm finding more for which I'm thankful